What is an anam cara?
An anam cara (soul friend) is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. John O'Donoghue states:
“With the anam cara, you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. You are joined in an ancient and eternal way. This belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship. You are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of acquaintance fall away. You can be as you really are..... When your anam cara encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own. There are times of great uncertainty in every life. Left alone at such a time, you feel dishevelment and confusion like gravity. When an anam cara comes with words of encouragement, a light and lightness visit you and you begin to find the stairs and the door out of the dark. The sense of encouragement you feel from the anam cara is not simply her words or gestures; it is rather her whole presence enfolding you and helping you find the concealed door. The encouraging presence enables your anam cara to understand you and put herself in your shoes. There is no judgment but words of relief and release. One of the deepest longings of the human soul: is to be seen… In your consciousness, you can never be fully visually present to yourself. The one you love, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul. The honesty and clarity of true friendship also bring out the real contour of your spirit. It is beautiful to have such a presence in your life"
Andjelka Jankovic (2023) gives a concise account of this:
"A soul friend makes you feel safe and seen in the world. You can tell them anything. Even the things you don’t want to tell yourself. They know your sorrows and elations and insecurities and hold them tenderly. The person you get excited with, cry to and belly laugh about ridiculous things They are also a whole lot of fun. Joy is important.
The hallmark of an anam cara is someone you can be fully yourself around — and at different times in your life, this may be different people. The common thread is that a soul friend is someone who has weathered life with you and is still there, either in your heart or physically, or both.
It is in the shelter of each other that the people live. — Irish proverb A soul friend either is or isn’t, but there can be a little bit of a grey area in my experience. Someone can be an ‘anam cara’ for a period of your life, but my understanding is that a soul friend is timeless (like your soul)"
Similar conceptualisations of anam caras may be found today in many accounts of current practices inspired by ancient Celtic spirituality. These accounts include "Anam Cara: Spiritual Wisdom from the Celtic word" (John O'Donahue, 2023); "Soul Friendship in the Celtic tradition" (Ray Simpson, 2021) and "Water from an Ancient Well; Celtic spirituality for modern life" (Kenneth Mcintosh, 2011).
